Before I launch into a tale of how money can rip apart a friendship faster than a child tears apart a present on Christmas morning, here's a bit of background:
- I've been close friends with this person for over 5 years
- We've been researching hotel, ticket, and flight options since August
- My friend has repeatedly told me that she can't wait to go to Florida, etc, etc, etc
- She had a job that she hated when we registered for the race
- Since registering for the race, she decided to quit said job and has recently moved to another company
- Her job search took much longer than anticipated, so she began the new position on December 5th
- Her old job withheld her last paycheck until 12/16, her new job doesn't give the first one to her until 12/30
- I fronted all of the money for the hotel and tickets because we were waiting too long and things were getting expensive
- Throughout all of this, she texted, emailed, and g-chatted that she was still "100% in" and would give me the money as soon as she could
- I responded by telling her it was fine, that I trusted her, and that she could give me the $$ whenever because I had enough in savings to cover everything
- The race is January 7th
- My friend bailed on me last night.....
Her reason? That she can't afford it due to her job change and the timing. Of course this is terrible timing!! While I understand the timing piece, I cannot understand why she constantly insisted she would be going with me and that she would pay me back, but then she began to not return my phone calls and responding only via text message. Why she continued to ignore me until I basically forced her to respond even after I told her multiple times that I was only trying to communicate about planning the trip; that she didn't need to worry about when she can pay me back.
Why if her only reason for bailing is financial, she never said anything, even after I asked if she was sure she still wanted to go through with the trip. Why she repeatedly "promised" me she was going. Why, when I finally got her to respond, she would only text and yelled at me for pressuring her about money when I had never mentioned money since we had agreed that she would pay me back when she could. And ultimately, why her chosen stance on this is that because I'm "financially stable" and she's "not as together with her finances" I should just "suck it up" and forget that she owes me almost $600.
My instincts tell me that she's embarrassed about her financial situation. I just wish she'd have communicated better, and I certainly wish she hadn't kept insisting that she was going especially considering that I gave her multiple opportunities to back out months ago. Suze Orman always talks about how money and families don't mix for various reasons. This is one time when I'm learning the very hard way that friends & money don't mix in the least bit either.
I had the same issue with a friend recently. Lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteugh how awful. yup, a very good lesson as to why you never "lend" money to friends or family, you should always consider it as a gift. And if you can't afford to gift that much money, then don't gamble. People may consider me a grinch, but I definitely don't mix friends and money.
ReplyDeleteI'mn sure your friend is really embarrassed. You already paid for it though--and unless you can cancel, I would just be the bigger person and tell your friend to join you on the trip anyway since it's already paid for.
Best of luck for the running, I hope you can still enjoy the event and experience despite your friend pulling out on you. It is probaby too late to find a replacement. I believe that she has been inconsiderate and had plenty of opportunity to advise you that she couldn't travel with you. Best of luck in resolving this and recouping the $600.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone. It is a hard lesson learned, but something I probably already knew.
ReplyDeleteNewlyweds, I'm with you on the mixing thing. The problem is that she never booked a flight and is refusing to do so despite my telling her she should still come with me. I can swing the $600, but I can't pay for a flight considering how expensive they are now that the dates are so close :(
C'est la vie I suppose, I will figure out a way to make this work!!
What a shame, I too had a money problem with a friend that I finally had to set boundries with, she didn't like the boundries, felt it was unfair since we were in better shape with our $$ than they were. Hope you can find someone to fill in so you get at least some of your $$ back. A good friend would be honest and say they couldn't afford to go but would pay back what you are out, lets hope she steps up to the plate!!
ReplyDeleteUgh... not so much a "friend" huh?! :(
ReplyDeleteI don't like that last part you have in bold at all. I don't quite mind that she backed out so late, I'm more upset by her stance on how you should suck it up.
ReplyDeleteIf she had still gone through with it after letting you know it may be difficult to pay you back that is one thing. The mere fact that she isn't paying you back and isn't going through with it is unbelievable and has me extremely pissed. The one thing she could have done was make an effort to pay you back even if it took her years.
Sigh, I don't even know what else to say or how to put my thoughts together on this properly.