The Happy Homeowner

Accepting Responsibility is the First Step

If there’s something you need to change or a mistake you need to make amends for, nobody can take the first step but you. Holding yourself responsible for your actions (and their ramifications) can be insanely difficult, but it’s a must-do when it comes to paying off debt, healing broken relationships, etc. In order to move forward, you must accept your personal accountability in the situation.

For me, this meant totaling up all of my debts, setting a budget that I’d stick to, and making a plan for how I’d get rid of the mountain of debt in front of me. I started to track every penny coming in and going out, and I learned how to say no when it came to mindless spending–to myself and to others. Gone were the days of ‘charge it and forget it.’

You Can Always Do More

In the initial phases of my debt payoff, I worked with what I had. But when I quickly realized that cutting back would only get me so far and that I could pay off the debt even faster if I earned more, I set out to do just that. In the height of my payoff frenzy, I was working 6-7 jobs at once. As long as they didn’t conflict with my morals or values, I turned down no opportunities to make money that came my way.

Working so much was hard. In fact, it was one of the hardest phases of my life in terms of keeping balanced. But it was a short-term sacrifice with one hell of a reward at the end: Debt freedom. To me, the ability to see a $0 balance on my credit cards was enough to motivate me to keep going, going, going.

Small Sacrifices Do Add Up

Once I began to cut back, I noticed that it became easier to turn down shopping trips, dinners out, and expensive bar tabs. With each month that rolled by where I managed to save more to throw at my debt, I realized that even the small sacrifices I was making (such as packing a lunch rather than going out) were making a large impact on my bottom line.

If you have meager means and a boatload of debt to tackle, don’t be discouraged. No matter if you pay your debt off in one year or ten years, the point is to keep moving forward towards that $0 goal. Chipping away little by little will get you there–no grand gestures or lump sums required!

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

There were tough, rocky moments at many points during the year it took me to pay of my credit card debt. As I mentioned above, working so much and playing so little was not easy–it was far from what I had been accustomed to, and it left me discouraged at times. Luckily, those moments of frustration and doubt were fleeting.

The important thing to remember is that even if you have the resolve of an iron statue, there will still be times, people, places, and memories that tempt you to derail your progress. When I got to these decision-making moments, I had an easier time staying the course of my debt payoff because I had already prepared for temptation–I had various plans for what I could do to avoid being tempted to fall back into my old, nasty habits. Set yourself up for success from the beginning by having contingency plans!

Sometimes You Have to Find Your Rock Bottom

When you’ve reached your rock bottom, you’ll know it. Mine was being penniless and nearly homeless. The silver lining of rock bottom is that the only place to go is up. For me, having such a scary yet clarifying wake up call was exactly what I needed to kick my ass into gear. Had I not found myself in a financial abyss of such magnitude, I might still be making the same mistakes that dug myself into the hole in the first place.

You are Stronger than You Think

At the end of the day, we all know that change is difficult, even if it’s planned and welcomed. Life throws us lemons, knocks us down, and dictates that we get right back up again. When you’re up against the proverbial wall, don’t give up. There’s always hope; there’s always a way to fulfill your goals and dreams. You’re stronger than you think–you just have to remind yourself of that fact from time to time.

I’m going to cut to the chase on this one: While I would never advocate marrying someone just because of his/her money, I absolutely believe in the idea of marrying someone who knows what fiscal responsibility is and who is able to communicate clearly about his/her financial situation. Someone who understands that money is a tool to live the life you’ve always dreamed of rather than a means for instant gratification or a crutch to limp along on.

Essentially, I’m an advocate of marrying for money management by choosing a life partner who has the same ideals and values as you do when it comes to money. I’m a firm believer that those who enter any sort of long-term commitment with a blind eye towards the finances are setting themselves up for a greater likelihood of future stress, arguments, and the eventual demise of the relationship (after all, money problems are the number one reason most couples end up splitting).

Of course, for a hopeless romantic such as myself, love must absolutely go hand-in-hand with your financially savvy beau. For the purpose of argument, this is not an either-or type of scenario–I do believe it’s possible to find both love and sound financial management when it comes to deciding who to marry.

A History of Societal Norms that Celebrate Gold Diggers

In the past, it was common practice for a man to be the sole breadwinner of the family. He worked while she stayed at home to cook, clean, and raise the children. As antiquated as these societal norms might seem in our booming, she-can-do-anything 21st century world now, the notion of the man as the earner is rooted in centuries of history spanning thousands of cultures.

Up until a few decades ago, marriage was more of a financial transaction than a love-ridden quest for the sweet life. When two people created their union, it was built upon a foundation of producing and supporting a family. If love was anywhere in the equation, it was a fleeting bonus.

While this certainly sounds depressing, a quick trip through even the past 40 years or so leads you right back to an era where primping and dressing was simply a way to attract the most desirable mates who brought along their hefty checkbooks. As unfair and sexist as it seems, the most attractive women often “landed” the most eligible, wealthy men. One could go as far as to reason that beauty became nothing more than a tool to attract money.

The Current Portrayal of a Gold Digger

If you’re a fan of reality shows, you might have noticed an undercurrent where women are painted as money-hungry, clueless vultures who line up in hordes to snag the latest and greatest (read: financially stable and handsome) bachelor.Where do these TV-produced relationships end up? Typically, they are a on a one-way ride to Splitsville and along the way, they have some ugly, paparazzi-filled arguments and blow outs to eek out any last chance at fame and fortune along the way.

If there’s anything we can learn from these shows, it’s that a manufactured relationship, no matter the money, glitz, and glamor associated with it, won’t usually stand the test of time because it lacks the fundamental human needs of intimacy, love, and trust.

The next time you see that Stepford Wife or Real Houswife-esque neighbor of yours, take a closer look to determine whether or not true happiness exists for that person. Chances are, under the Mercedes SUV, skim latte, and Lululemon-clad exterior exists a woman who doesn’t know when her husband will be home next, who can’t remember the last time she had a date night with him, and who is desperate for a real, meaningful expression of love.

Marrying for Money–The Correct Way

On the surface, marrying for money sounds (and is) terrible. But what about marrying someone who’s good with their money and who can communicate his/her ideas, desires, and preferences? Why is it that when love comes a knockin,’ people are so much more likely to overlook financial red flags? Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too when it comes to falling in love and still being able to manage our finances successfully?

It’s absolutely possible to do this, but you have to be aware from the beginning. Along with those initial butterflies of a romantic date gone so well, make note of any red flags when it comes to that person’s money situation. As your courtship continues, your communication should evolve. Does that person spend more than they earn? Are their bills paid? Do they invest in their future? Are they able to share a long-term plan with you? Is there an emergency fund in the picture?

If you’re not able to figure these things out or are responding “No” more than “Yes,” consider what your future might be like if that person isn’t able to make lasting changes before both of you commit to a life together. As much as you might love that person, are you prepared to spend your life managing one financial disaster after the next?

Don’t be blinded by love–bring your head out of the clouds long enough to make a rational analysis of your potential future with this person. If things aren’t perfect now, no worries. But if that person isn’t willing to make the necessary financial changes now, don’t bank on them being able to do it in the future (pun intended!). Unfortunately, when it comes to marriage and money, love doesn’t always conquer all.